ICON Quotes

I’ve had the great opportunity to work with some really funny people in my career and found it entertaining to record things overheard in the office. I’ve been saving this list until I left ICON and I think it’s safe to let them run free now. I’ve abbreviated the names to protect the innocent.

😉

JR: So what could you do for another thousand dollars? Well, I could go out and buy a big hand and smack you with it.

—-

JL: Oh come on, they’re not urge overkill ugly.

—-

JL: Hey what kind of candy bar is that?
JR: None-of-your-f’ing-business-bar.

—-

JR via email: Hi [client name], I just sent you an email detailing why you aren’t receiving my emails.

—-

JR (to client): We have an aggressive vitamin C application policy with sangria as the delivery vehicle.

—-

Homeless Man to SP outside SP’s apartment:
HM: I’m from the Big Apple, I’m from Detroit, I’m from Philly. Basically, I’m international!

—-

SP: Another disconcerting meat form is the kabob in England.

—-

JR’s friend gets a photo of an ugly nascar driver and is asked to “make him look normal.” To which he replies, “I’m a retoucher, not a geneticist.”

—-

Paraphrasing client’s purchasing dept: “Um, your rates are just 20% higher than others.”
RC: You know, if i could just reach through the phone…

—-

JR: Like I told my english teacher, “lady, i’m an artist. you can’t restrict genius.”

—-

RC: The client is so far up my ass right now I can see him when I brush my teeth.

—-

SP on The Melvins: It’s like drinking robitussin but at least robitussin makes you better.

—-

MB on Ryan Adams: Is his tour sponsored by Kleenex?

—-

Sp on JR’s wedding return cards not having return addresses on them: What are you? Friends with the unabomber or something?

—-

JR: We need to get some good shin guards for [coworker] so we’re not so afraid to kick him in a meeting.

—-

RC: Everyone got their weekend liver in? When I’m done with mine I transplant it back in the baboon I keep in my basement…and I only feed it grain.

—-

After PW received a new Lenovo laptop, it quickly crashed itself beyond a blue screen of death and resulted in his 1+ hr tech support call/argument about wanting to return it immediately. This conversation followed:

on JL reporting that Macenstein’s report of Safari slowing down your cpu down 76%:
SP: I’d rather have a browser that slowed my machine down temporarily than having one that fucked itself to death.

—-

SP: I wish there was a conspiracy channel. I’d watch it all the time. Even the reruns. Anything that has the words exposed or revealed in it, I’d watch it.

—-

MB: You know my friend claims to have downloaded an entire copy of CS3.
JR: Well give him a call and let him know after the FBI shows up that you’ll stop by his house and make sure his kids have enough to eat.

—-

SP via IM after viewing the promo video for Fair Warning, a Van Halen tribute band:
“what a pussy.
get a life.
what a fucking looser
he should go die in iraq.”

—-

SP: was u2 ever playing small gigs? jesus.
SP: even in like 86 they were playing stadiums.
MB: bono’s mother’s uterus was a stadium.

—-

SP on using an iPhone to pick up women: Oh I’m just sitting in a coffee shop, using my iPhone, trying to pick me up some Tiguana Tail.

—-

JR: He basically told me that he wasn’t going to try to do his job, so I should get used to mine being real shitty.

—-

It’s not your fault. It’s Comcast!

—-

MB: Irritable is the new happy.
SA: (laughter)
MB: Thank you, I’ll be here all week…NOW F OFF!