Apple’s Sense of Humor

I’m sure this wasn’t intended to be funny, but to me, it’s hilarious. During the Samsung/Apple tablet patent fight, Apple had to offer some suggestions to Samsung to rebut their claim that they had no other design options for their device.The list is fantastic! My snark in red.

Regarding smartphone options:

  • Overall shape that isn’t rectangular, or doesn’t have rounded corners. Perfect! Let’s make the first square phone!
  • Display screens that aren’t centered on the front face and have substantial lateral borders. Screw those humans with opposable thumbs. They can hold it from underneath like a serving plate!
  • Front surfaces with substantial adornment. Yes, let’s bling it up with beads or that diamondplate texture from truck bumpers!
  • No front bezel at all.  Hey, I have an idea. Let’s make a big screen and kill a chunk of it so it’s not responsive to touch just so you can hold on to the device!

As for tablets, Apple produced a list of options that could have been “available” to Samsung:

  • Front surface that isn’t entirely flat. Relive your teenage years while running your fingers over this beautiful pockmarked display!
  • Profiles that aren’t thin. Yeah, the current trend is to go thick like a USPS shipping box.
  • Cluttered appearance. Do you like luxury? We don’t either. That’s why we’ve partnered with the worst offenders on the tv show “Hoarders” to help us design the UI.